Dealing with DB is taking up too much of my life. I can’t spend everyday all day wondering what he’s thinking, what he’s doing or who he is with. It’s just too overwhelming!!!
So between today and yesterday I had a complete meltdown.
Normally, I am on top of everything. I can juggle, manage, and tap dance all at the same time. I’m a mom, I work outside the home, and I am a wife…it’s expected of me right??? But I can’t seem to hack it at work right now. I go in early, spend the entire day busy, running around, and trying to implement new and creative ideas into my work. I KNOW this is what makes me a good professional and if I was sitting stagnant, it would kill me, but just for a week or two I would love to “let work run itself.” I need a break.
Then, I get home yesterday and my daughter starts reading her homework. At the bottom I see that she has the day off for election day…..UGH….. NO FREAKING WAY —HOW HOW HOW did I miss this???? It’s not on a single calendar and I missed the day totally. I don’t have the day off of work, my son still has preschool, and here is my daughter with the day off?????? How could this have happened to me? ME – queen of organization – color coded freak – total type-A personality…. it just doesn’t happen….EVER!
It took everything I had to call my father and see if he was available to “hang” with my daughter today. It really took every fiber of my being not to cry. I know I am super lucky to have such a wonderful father, but I don’t like imposing on him and he’s been wonderful about helping me out since DB and I started to fall apart. I need a break.
It can’t be the full moon.
It can’t be that it was Halloween.
It can’t be that everyone at work is feeling overwhelmed.
Emotionally I am drained, done, and completely defeated. I feel as if I’ve been thrown in a pool and haven’t learned how to swim – so I am paddling to save my life.
When will I be able to relax – even for a minute?
When will DB step up and help more?
When will I just be able to let some things go and KNOW that it is ok?
I can’t be everything to everyone all the time. I need a break.
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